4 Surprising Ways EQ Can Make or Break Your Ambitions
The EQ Strategies you are Not Using (Yet)
This is
- your weekly guide and shortcut to mastering emotional intelligence through the power of empathy. I talked recently about how to overcome resistance to new tech from your team and stakeholders.
It's February 2025, and you have already given up on your New Year's resolution.
I don't want to talk about resolutions. Statistically, the odds are that 78% of us will fail.
Let's focus on your goals and your aspirations.
As a busy professional, this might involve spending time exercising, saving money, or eating healthier. It's tough, right?
Whatever the aspiration, your Emotional Intelligence (EQ) impacts most of what you do, not your Intelligence (IQ).
According to Emotional Intelligence Habits by Dr. Travis Bradberry (p. 181), 80% of what you do is driven by your EQ and not your IQ).
Let's leverage your EQ (boosted by empathy) with these strategies you are not using (yet) to be the secret ways you achieve your ambitions.
You got it. Starting now…
Self-Awareness: You Can't Hack Your Growth Until You Face Your Flaws
I have no issue setting goals for myself. The challenge has often come with finding the time.
I started a goal one year shortly after New Year's Day to exercise five days a week at the gym after work. I slogged through it and dreaded the outing. My body did not just feel tired from the crushing weight of the weights I was lifting but also fatigued.
My workouts began to dwindle. First to 3 days, then 1, and then none.
I felt discouraged. I felt I had done something wrong. I was a failure.
But, I had to face my own "flaws," so to speak, and hack my growth to build on it once again. I had to spend some time in deep thought of self-awareness to realize how I could get past this.
One day, I decided to try the exercise equipment at my office for a mid-day workout. The same weights felt lighter, and I still had the benefit of a more clear mental state.
I then shifted to mornings to working out before clocking in for the day, whether at the work gym or home for a walk. I felt even better and did not slog through it. I was energized.
I did not get to 5 days, but between 3 and 4 days a week. This was manageable and better than the zero workout days.
Had I stayed sulking or set myself up for failure by trying to work out after 3 p.m. (my flaw is that my energy crashes after this), I would not have achieved my goal.
Sit, think, and plan your goals according to what your body needs. This applies not just to exercise but also to diet plans and project goals. Be self-aware and listen inward. This is not empathy to others, but to yourself.
Self-Management: Your Goals Are Watching—Don't Let Them Down
I was feeling completely done with my job. I was burned out and over a project. I committed to myself that after months of this, it was time to review my resume and consider applying elsewhere.
My certifications and education had been on the side panel of my resume, but there was a gap. I did not feel good enough.
I had been trying for months, nearly a year, for my PMP (Project Management Professional). I want my resume ready to apply within the next few weeks.
I started poking around the PMI website and found just the thing: a certification related to Agile. Perfect, as everything Agile was fresh in my mind due to my current project. Plus, this would probably enable me to do better in my next role. A win-win!
The challenge was finding the time. It would still take 15 hours to achieve in the next two weeks. It would take rigorous self-management, not just wishful thinking, to get this done.
I spent my lunches signed off completely from my work computer to study. I took the brief period between work and school pickup for my little one to review. I woke up early for a few days to study practice examples. Then, I cleared my calendar one day and made sure everyone was out of the house. I took the test successfully and got my certification within days. I was ready to start sending out my resume.
Achieving your goals and aspirations takes self-management and strategizing how you will get it done. Feeling hopeful or motivated is not enough. It's a start, but to execute your goals and aspirations, you must have the right conditions in place when nobody is watching, and just your goals.
Social Awareness: Read the Room or Risk Being Irrelevant
Asking for a raise after the space had been set up for lease, and this was the Pre-COVID days
I had a friend of mine seeking to get a raise in the new year. He asked his boss with confidence in January, with a litany of reasons why he should be entitled to a raise. His request was met with avoidance and the cold shoulder.
What went wrong? He asked kindly, and had justification?
He did not leverage social awareness to ask this question immediately.
Yes, for him, it was the right time, as he had aspirations to make more money in the new year. His boss had just shut down some of the office space and sublet it out to save money. The boss was in a mindset to save money, not spend it. My friend did not read the room.
By April, he received a call one Sunday evening stating that he would not need to report to work the next day. His job had become irrelevant and redundant. I felt bad for him. My empathy kicked in. I am not sure if his did though, leading up this moment, as he did not read the room.
The takeaway here is not that you will get fired by asking for a raise at the wrong time. The lesson is to read the room and use social awareness strategically with your goals. Think: Is this the right time and place to ask? Is this a place or setting where I can achieve my goal? Do I need to make a shift? Be aware of your surroundings and use social awareness to guide you in your process.
Relationship Management: Your Network Is Your Net Worth—Manage It Like It Matters
Not too long ago, I had someone on my LinkedIn post about his unemployment and search for a new job. He was not at the discouraged stage, but he was still actively looking. He proclaimed to be open to his network.
I reached out by DM as I usually do. I asked him what roles he was seeking, not wanting to assume he was directly seeking his last title. He seemed open. A prior connection from the same company has also been seeking work, and I managed to help get her a phone interview.
I sent him a DM with a job in my company that matched his desire. I encouraged him to apply as it was recently posted, and I could relay it to the manager, who I knew he was going to. Crickets. I still empathized with him, and continued to look on his behalf.
I figured he was busy. I found another opening and sent it his way a few days later. Again, crickets. I stopped after that. Maybe he did apply? I don't know. But a simple "thank you" or "thanks for sending, but that is not quite a fit for what I am looking for" would have let me know my messages were welcome.
A mentor of mine who is in the speaking business told me of a similar experience—for the speaking gigs where he could not make it, he referred someone in his network to take his place. Some said thank you, and others gave no acknowledgment. The ones who offered no acknowledgment were not referred out again.
Your network is your net worth when you need a new job, a referral, or even potential new clients. Business is built on relationships, not simply products and services. Manage your relationships. A simple acknowledgment goes a long way! Relationship management might not bring you to your immediate goal, but you never know in the future who will be there to lift you up. Don't burn it down ahead of time.
Empathy is your Golden Ticket
The four pillars of emotional intelligence drive much of what you do. What drives these 4 pillars? Your empathy.
By practicing empathy, you go beyond surface-level observations, gaining a nuanced understanding of people's motivations and unspoken concerns, which boosts your social awareness and relationship management. Empathy motivates you to manage your emotional responses, mainly when you see how losing control could harm relationships or create unnecessary tension, which is a strong skill in your self-management. Empathy enables you to observe how your emotions impact others, which leverages your self-awareness.
Empathy is your golden ticket to having a stronger EQ.
Remember, empathy is not about being a puddle of mush. You do not even have to bring yourself down into their emotions; you can simply relate to a time you felt similarly or think of how they must feel. Let your mind relax and immerse yourself in the power of empathy, and you will have exponentially boosted your EQ.
✅ What I’ve been Analyzing this week (reading, watching, listening, etc.)
📖 I’m reading Emotional Intelligence Habits by Travis Bradberry. I read recently about how much EQ drives what you do.
🎧I’ve been listening to this song, meant for a kids show, but great when you are trying to power up on your journey working towards your goal.
✍️ I commented on a post by
on his Substack , about Professional and Professional Growth. It actually inspired me to write this post!Want more on Empathy and Emotional Intelligence to Elevate your career? 📈
I empower💪tech people to elevate their empathy, to accelerate their careers
Breaking down goals into manageable steps is key - and you've demonstrated that perfectly with your workout and certification achievements! Thank you for sharing such vulnerable and inspiring stories!
Thanks for the mention! I enjoyed this post. You’re right that EQ plays a major role in the result of our goals.