Coherence Engineering: Why Empathy Is the Missing Infrastructure in Tech
How Emotional Clarity Transforms Technical Teams and Human Connection
This week, it's my pleasure to host
onWe talk about innovation, scale, and velocity in tech, but rarely about the emotional cost of all that speed.
In this post,
traces how empathy, once dismissed as weakness, became his core strength—and how it now shapes the way he builds systems, teams, and trust.Let’s begin…
In tech, we've long prioritized efficiency, quietly neglecting emotional coherence—the key to genuine innovation and resilience. I experienced the real cost of emotional incoherence firsthand, trapped for a decade in a relationship where my empathy, kindness, and emotional intelligence were consistently denied. Being labeled an emotionless monster created a deep cognitive dissonance, leaving me disconnected from myself. Only after seeking external clarity did I realize these qualities weren't weaknesses but my greatest strengths, my superpowers.
Later, at AppsFlyer, I witnessed a similar pattern in engineering teams. Skilled engineers, driven by unspoken anxieties and pressure, repeatedly compromised their judgment, resulting in burnout and disengagement. These experiences clarified my vision of "Coherence Engineering": intentionally embedding empathy and psychological safety into technical systems.
The Hidden Cost of Ignoring Empathy
During a design review, an engineer proposed a compromised solution. When I voiced concern that we were choosing the safe option over the right one, the team remained quiet, influenced by invisible pressures: deadlines, expectations, fears. Soon after, the engineer resigned, revealing that consistently making emotionally safe decisions rather than technically sound ones was his reason for leaving. It wasn't technical gaps, it was emotional incoherence.
Reviewing our recent decisions uncovered a troubling pattern: talented engineers regularly compromised their judgment, leading to frustration and burnout. Efficiency without emotional coherence doesn’t just affect technical outcomes, it pushes skilled people away. This stark realization prompted my shift toward intentionally embedding empathy as foundational infrastructure.
Discovering Coherence Engineering
When I transitioned away from the structured platform group into AppsFlyer's daily R&D operations, I faced a new challenge: unlike centralized teams, standard R&D organizations lack clear frameworks for cross-company initiatives. Without predefined mandates, I had to find a different path, one built around empathy and emotional clarity.
Sonic wasn’t designed purely around technical logic; empathy was embedded from the start. We prioritized psychological safety and developer experience, offering a polished, startup-style landing page and playful, gamified feedback. Instead of mandates, we communicated invitations that sparked developers’ curiosity. When I teased Sonic during an internal R&D talk, the enthusiastic response surprised even me—teams proactively engaged out of genuine interest, shaping the platform themselves.
This experience clarified the concept of "Coherence Engineering". It’s more than applying empathy; it’s embedding empathy into technical and organizational structures intentionally. Empathy isn’t just a soft skill, it’s strategic infrastructure. When coherence is intentionally engineered, innovation and alignment fosters.
This wasn’t abstract theory; it was a powerful realization from lived experience.
Practical Steps to Cultivate Empathy as Infrastructure
Coherence Engineering translates empathy into practical actions anyone can implement. Here are three steps to integrate empathy strategically into your team:
Reflective Check-ins:
During discussions, regularly pause and ask:
"If we felt no pressure, what decision would we make?"
This surfaces hidden fears and reduces compromised decisions.Invitation Over Mandate:
Shift from mandates to invitations driven by curiosity:
"How might we explore this solution together?"
Genuine curiosity encourages emotional investment and innovation.Build Psychological Safety:
Intentionally foster empathy, openness, and vulnerability. Reinforce clearly:
"It’s safe to speak openly, we value your authentic judgment."
When people feel safe, innovation and alignment naturally emerge.
By consistently embedding these practices, empathy transforms from a soft skill into a strategic infrastructure.
Empathy as Strategic Advantage
In today's tech landscape, driven by AI and rapid complexity, empathy can no longer be viewed as optional.
"Coherence Engineering" is the deliberate integration of emotional clarity into our teams and technical systems. When empathy is intentionally cultivated, we unlock alignment, innovation, and meaningful connection.
As we build our systems and teams, let’s remember that our strongest infrastructure is human empathy, the capacity to genuinely support and heal. Sometimes, as Coldplay beautifully reminds us, we need the courage to help fix each other and ourselves.
This guest post was written by
, an engineering leader who writes about human-centric AI, gardener leadership, and the future of work. On his Substack, , Roi explores how to use AI safely and reflectively to unlock hidden skills, Future of Work, Leadership and Engineering.
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